Reclaiming the silence

Silence can be very hard to find in our modern world. We are constantly surrounded by noise, traffic, industry, technology that keeps up switched on to a digital world around the clock. Not all sound is unpleasant of course, music, birdsong, wind in the trees or a rushing stream, but once in a while it is important for us to switch off from everything and just be silent.

As I said, very difficult in our modern lives, but still possible sometimes, but not for me it seems. Last year I was diagnosed with Meniere’s Disease, and one of the eymptoms of this illness is tinnitus or constant noises in the ears. This means that where ever I go there is always noise inside my own head. At first I felt the loss of silence to be a terrible thing, a separation from my inner quiet somehow. I could not see how things such as meditation would be possible because I could not escape the roaring noises.

In addition to the tinnitus, meniere’s causes vertigo, an awful spinning sensation, that sometimes makes even the slightest movement practically impossible and so I also lost a great deal of my independence as I am no longer able to drive due to the attacks being sudden and disabling.

Determined not to let this illness control my life though, I began to try and work with what I have got, some of the spinning is now controlled by tablets and the attacks don’t happen as often, but the tinnitus emains the same.

As I started to try to meditate again I found it very difficult to find focus and to still my mind, until I realised something, although inside my head it was quite noisy, it blocked out many sounds from the outside world, and now I have practised this for some time, I actually find that rather than hinder, it actually helps me to go deeper into myself and to get much more from my meditation sessions than I did before.

So all the noises are just an aspect of my own personal silence, and I am learning to make the most of the hand I have been dealt.

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One thought on “Reclaiming the silence

  1. so that’s what was causing it all? i’m glad you’ve been able to come to terms with this and to incoporate it in your meditations. i guess all these experiences provide lessons and our task is to learn. 10 out of 10 diane – go to the top of the class.

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